The FOMO Plague 

Round where I live and amongst my social circle I am sure the FOMO (Frightened Of Missing Out) plague is getting worse.  

Why is everyone so desperate to be at every single event that pings up on their whatsapp chats for fear they will miss out.  I have one friend who even though it would completely throw her day out or mean missing an appointment would have to be where others are going.  

The fear amongst us not to miss a coffee of breakfast is getting worse.  I am sure I can sense fear and upset when a group message pings up about meeting for breakfast and then one messages with despair that if she would have been there had she of known ten minutes earlier but is now on the way to a wax appointment or brows!! 

I am not sure if it’s me just being anti social or sane and secure!

New Monday 

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Not sure why I have titled this New Monday but for me this is the day I am going to at least try to make some changes.  Whilst we were away there were children sitting at tables around us discussing the effects of Brexit and the Snap Election with their parents.  Then there was us – bissing at my boys to stop shuvelling macaroni into their mouth like animals and to tell my daughter to stop staring or usually turn down little mix on her gadget!!!!

To be fair, I can’t ever imagine we will be the sort of family that will discuss politics at the table.  We discuss things like ‘who thinks there will be a Prezzo in heaven’ and ‘let’s think of three things that rhyme with snake’.  My thinking is though, if I breathe more calm into my household, little less TV then we will soon be one of those families having in depth discussions at dinner.  

I am going to get things done today that actually need to be done (procrastination is in my blood) and open bills that have been clogging up our post box and look at them with both eyes and read them instead of holding them at arms length and reading through one eye.  Why on earth do I do that?? Sometimes I worry that I am responsible for three children!!!

April Resolution

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After spending one afternoon in the spa on our break whilst my husband looked after the kids, I have decided to make a new April resolution to be more calm and serene in life.  I know this contradicts my earlier post about having an anxiety attack about being shunned from the party on Instagram but I really do need to calm down in life.  

After downing two mugs of fennel detox tea and reading a health magazine, while also watching these calm zen people floating around the spa looking so chilled out and happy I need more of that in life! I feel all j so is snap at the kids, am driving my husband into the arms of another woman whilst on the verge of driving myself off a cliff some days 🤦🏻‍♀️😫.

I have a copy of the book The Secret somewhere in my bedroom so I may have a read of that to try and find the secret to balancing everything while remaining calm and sane.  I worry that my three children will grow up to think their mother is a raving lunatic and I had three children because I wanted the happy chaos in life and I want in years to come a table full on Christmas Day with my children, their partners and grandchildren all running around and thinking “we love being here around our mum and Nan she is so cool”.  At the rate I am going it will be me with a meal for one with the kids visiting either for a quick cup of tea in the morning or on their way home from their in laws who are the zen happy couple!! 

Does anyone have the secret they can share with me? Also may I add whilst I am writing this I am having a bath with some relaxing oil in it (a small bottle I found at the back of the bathroom cupboard that is so old it probably has no healing properties left in it, two candles burning – I would love to say Jo Malone but one is from The Card Factory and the other was given to us as a house warming present when we moved in…..six years ago.  I put on some spa music and laid back.   Five minutes in my youngest at four years old comes in, switches on the light and puts a rave version of the Gummy Bear song whilst dancing in his sisters Elsa dress. 

Notes to myself:

  • Get lock on bathroom door
  • Invest in new relaxing bath products
  • But new candles
  • Read the secret
  • Drink the essential oils as well as putting them in the bath.

Anyone else on my page??

Instagram Anxiety 😬🤦🏻‍♀️

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We are now on our five hour drive back home – kids safely buckled up in the back and IPads fully charged and my sanity/emergency pack in the front filled with chocolate, fruit shoots and Polos. I feel really content and knowing I have an extra day tomorrow before they go back to school to sort the school bags out and get them to rush through a few pages of Easter homework.
As the journey is going smoothly I decide to click on to my Instagram account – an account I have a love/hate relationship with. I think this is all down to my mood and what is going in my life!! No one wants to stare at photos of your friends gazing at their husband over expensive cocktails in an expensive restaurant in London when you are scraping the barrel to go to Prezzo and taking the Voucher Code…

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Instagram Anxiety 😬🤦🏻‍♀️

We are now on our five hour drive back home – kids safely buckled up in the back and IPads fully charged and my sanity/emergency pack in the front filled with chocolate, fruit shoots and Polos.  I feel really content and knowing I have an extra day tomorrow before they go back to school to sort the school bags out and get them to rush through a few pages of Easter homework. 
As the journey is going smoothly I decide to click on to my Instagram account – an account I have a love/hate relationship with.  I think this is all down to my mood and what is going in my life!! No one wants to stare at photos of your friends gazing at their husband over expensive cocktails in an expensive restaurant in London when you are scraping the barrel to go to Prezzo and taking the Voucher Code discount into account.  You know you are in trouble when you are calculating the difference between a small or large glass of wine 😬! 

And there it is…….that awful dreaded heat rising up your neck feeling when photographs are staring back at you from Instagram showing all your friends and their husbands having a wonderful time, dancing around, kids all together and to make it worse the bloody hashtags!!!! The hashtags make your stomach turn – #family and friends #bffs together.  It was a party for one of my friends daughters.   Admittedly I do have parties for my kids but on a small scale and only school friends as mine are getting that bit bigger and it gets out of hand – also it’s so bloody expensive.  This one was a full blown kids festival in their huge garden with adult games, dancing into the evening kind of party.  I may not have made the cut for the invite list but when did social media play such a huge part in our emotions and actually create anxiety and real gut wrenching feelings.

I can’t stop staring at the photographs, enduring my pain by reading the comments  and watching video clips of the big day.  

I frantically search my emails, texts and whatsapp messages to see if I overlooked the invitation (please please let me see the invitation to make my body temperature go back to normal).  The ridiculous thing is we were away anyway so couldn’t have made it but it still does not soften the blow.  All of a sudden my inner scorned child starts to rear its ugly head and I am desperately thinking to myself ‘shall I post a comment so it will make her feel bad’ or what event can I quickly arrange with no budget, no birthday or special occasion coming up and post loads of photos with #bestdayever and thanks to all my wonderful friends for coming.  

I cannot believe social media has taken such a hold of my emotions and has turned me into a ridiculous insecure paranoid  child.  I dread to think what it will be like for my children when they start the road of social media life. 

It’s not just the events you see that makes your own life look dull and social gatherings you have been shunned from.  It’s the amount of likes that  caused mini anxiety attacks too.  I still get that dreaded feeling when I post a photo hoping that it will gather a certain amount of likes that makes you look semi popular.  I get that little buzz when as you first post it you get your loyal followers liking it straight away (so at least your off the ground)  but as the hours go by, you check every hour to see if you have reached at least over the ten likes point.  There are people I know that are not even that social or popular but have started getting 70+ likes for your average photo!!!! How does this happen? More worryingly, why am I getting so bothered about this?  

Why is our self esteem and self worth dependent on how many likes you get!

Am I sad? Or is this a sad situation a lot of us find ourselves in today? 

Wet Wednesday

Today I woke up feeling like crap! My whole body ached and kept having waves of sickness.  I would have done anything to get back into bed and stayed there until tomorrow but unfortunately not possible.

The rain was so hard last night, my lavender in the garden might actually have a chance of surviving now which has slightly pleased me.  Although it is now 7.20pm as I sit here and write this and it has been grey, dull and windy all day today with showers and now right on cue for the kids bedtime, the sun decides to make an appearance which gives my son great pleasure to say “but it’s not bedtime, the sun is out, it’s still daytime Mummy”.  That is possibly the only grind of summer, the kids fighting to go to bed as it still light out and they argue it is not night-time.  “It is my darlings, I can assure you it is” Mummy sais through gritted teeth as I am slamming their shutters shut extremely tightly so as to try to block out every inch of the outside world coming into their bedroom.

I am so tired today and cannot wait for bed although I have not been sleeping well of late.  It probably has something to do with the fact that I am the biggest wimp on earth about practically everything and I watch things like The Following, Stalker, The Enfield Haunting etc, considering I hate violence, afraid of death, anything super natural freaks me out I am not sure why on earth I watch these things and then let them play on my mind at night.  The only light-hearted programme I have watched lately is Ordinary Lies.

My children are fascinated by death at the moment and I find it really hard to answer their questions, if I am being honest it is partly down to not want to talk about the subject myself but mainly because I don’t know how to answer them or give them an answer that will not keep them up all night and hopefully close the subject.  Its constant “Mummy, if God is a nice man why doesn’t he let Grandpa come down for my party”. Mummy do they have a post box in heaven, shall we do a birthday card for Grandpa, will he get it?  Mummy if you die will I get a stepmother because I don’t want one and I will be mean to her (I kind of secretly like this answer and praise myself that I have obviously instilled family loyalty in my children).  I think if I did pass my husband would be more into having Sky Sports on 24/7 and reading sports news on Twitter than romancing a new lady!

It is time to make dinner now and then straight off to bed.  Hopefully will feel better tomorrow and it will be a Sunny Day in Essex.

A Typical Essex Lunch

Today I actually went to lunch with two girlfriends.  I hardly ever do lunch as I said previously but it was firstly organised as coffee then changed to lunch.  My first thought was “what do I wear?” as ridiculous as this sounds I really struggle with things like this.  Am I the only one? I really don’t have enough of the ‘Smart/Casual’ wear in my wardrobe, it is either typical ripped jeans and old t-shirt or jumper or something I would consider for a Saturday night out!! HELP!!!!

I finally decided on a pale blue shirt and black trousers and thought I would make it look casual with silver converse.  Then the thing that always happens, happened! Does anyone else understand this.  It is when you go out for the day and you wear your freshly black trousers and you get home late and tired and you quickly look at them and think ‘oh brilliant, they still look clean, I will hang them up and get another wear out of them before they enter the long queue for the washing machine and I don’t see them for another month.  As I unclip them from the hanger and quickly check them over, there it is!! A dried rusk/biscuit stain obviously been given to me by my dear young two year old and I didn’t realise.  It always bloody happens to me.  When you go to put the nice jumper or shirt on again thinking you are in the clear then as you do a slight turn in the mirror to check your behind, there it is… a dried smear of some sort of child fluid on the back of your shoulder and it makes you want to cry.  Back to square one I go….

From the corner of my eye I could see them!!! It was like they were quietly calling my name…..”Natasha,  your glorified PJ’s are over here ready and waiting for a lunch date”.  Oh sod it! on they go.  I will walk in boldly like I have just finished a power work out or spinning class and pretend I am just getting my breath back from it all.

The Price of an Essex Lunch

I never thought I would say this but I am turning into my Mother when it comes to eating out.  I remember the days when I was working up the City and earning good money and every single penny of it went on myself (I did actually give my mum rent each month) but she was hardly extortionate.  We would go to lunch and my Mum would say “how much, £6 for a sandwich, think of how many sandwiches you could make yourself with that”and I would respond in the same way I always did, “oh live a little mum and chill out, that’s what it is these days and its not that much”.  Well of course I wouldn’t think it was that much when earlier on in the day I spent £200 on a dress I would probably only wear once and know that later that night I would spend another £100 on cheap wine and alcohol, then probably vomit all down the £200 dress!!!

Fast forward quite a few years, three kids, a mortgage, bills, big family car and I am totally in agreement with my Mum.  In actual fact I am worse.  I now cant even help myself if I go out for a friends birthday lunch or dinner which is terrible of me.  Only the other day, my husband and I and our three children decided to stop off at a new local tea shop that does food after we had been out.  It was quite a big thing finding a space then getting all three children to walk in the same direction, letting the youngest do his thing by stopping to touch every leaf, brick and car we walked past but we finally got in there and sat down.  It took me two seconds to glance at the menu to know I would not be paying £6.95 for a baguette that comes just on its own!!! I quickly informed my husband it was drinks only and that I would rather pay a bit more and go to Prezzo or Pizza Express for an early dinner.  I just cannot justify just under seven pounds for a baguette or sandwich or Panini its daylight robbery.

The waitress comes over to take our order and we order two teas and three apple juices.  She kindly responds “will the children be having anything from the kids menu”? If I am not going to pay £6.95 for a baguette then I sure as hell am not going to order a jam sandwich which will be half the size and cost £5!!!

Back to today – I ordered a salad (I thought it suited my look of Nike bottoms and Primark running top).  I didn’t look to see the price I just rolled with it today, and my two girlfriends I met wouldn’t even bat an eye lid if a baguette or salad was £17.  There are times when you just have to bite your tongue….and then bite into a large chocolate macaroon once back in the car after being too healthy with a mint tea and salad.

Mums on the Run – Gym Kits!

I can honestly say that I do own a couple of pairs of running bottoms, two of them are actual sport makes and the other is Primark. It has become a staple uniform for Mums on the school run to leave the school gates looking sleek in their gym wear and looking like they weigh the same as my seven year old daughter too!

I overhear the Mums talking whilst standing their in the latest Nike outfits, bursting with colour and funky designs “shall we head for the bla bla roundabout then stop for a coffee” or just simply “I’ll catch you up”. While I drive home from my morning school run I see about five or six of the Mums running up the hill looking like Gazelle’s running in sync, with their shiny ponty tails swaying behind them. I would love to be joining them I sometimes think to myself, but then I snap back into reality and think of what biscuits I am going to dunk in my tea or coffee when I get home and prepare myself for the loop of CBeebies that keeps my youngest entertained. I actually find myself concentrating when Mr Tumble is teaching the children sign language and copying his signs.

Back to my gym kit! Are there any other Mums out there who just see them as glorified PJ’s??? I find them some mornings the best invention ever and I will list the reasons why:

1: You do not have to shower or even wash because you can say to others if you are feeling paranoid that you are going on a 10k run and will do so when you get back home.
2: They never look creased so even if they are in a ball at the bottom of your bed you can pick them up and put them straight on.
3: Even if they have a slight whiff of body odour as you have not put them in the wash, it kind of goes with the theme of sweating your butt cheeks off and running like Forrest Gump to obtain that tiny waist. In fact it probably makes you seem a little bit hard core within the running gang and you mean business!
4. Extra added bonus as you would only wear trainers with this outfit so comfort is the only option.
5. Unless you are going bold with loud prints or going funky like Rita Ora with the latest Adidas designed sportswear, just stick to black and no one bats and eyelid and you blend in with the crowd, so be it Nike or Primark you generally look the same as everyone else.

I have only downside 😦

1. When I wear my glorified PJ’s I get bombarded with “oohh you off to the gym?”, “what gym are you a member of?”, “off for a run?”. I sheepishly respond with “yes, maybe, no gym membership just a quick job possibly”, whilst pretending my young child in my arms is pulling my hair or causing distress so I have to shoot off quickly.

What I really am doing is getting back in the car to head home for a cup of instant coffee and decide whether I can be bothered to make something healthy for breakfast before the Ironing Board comes out.

Dreary Tuesday!

It is the Tuesday after a Bank Holiday! The sort of day that throws you.  I have packed my daughter’s bag for gymnastics only to remember its swimming tonight.

I have been meaning to write this diary/blog for a while now but have always been scared of modern technology, blogging etc and to be honest I don’t even know if once I have written my diary for today it will appear on my page or be lost in some cyber place somewhere far away.  I tried to set up this blog last night in bed but did not have a clue what I was doing (that really is how I go about my daily life).

My name is Natasha and I am 36 and live in Essex.  Why is it when you meet people and they ask where you are from you instantly in your head know you are going to be stereo typed once you say the glittering glorious word ESSEX.  Do you think TOWIE springs in their mind, blow dried hair and six inch heels for a quick lunch? or do they think they will have to start speaking slowly and not pronounce long words as we may struggle to understand.  Who knows! and this is only my personal opinion.  Maybe I am too paranoid.

I really would love to say that I am one of those ladies who has glossy blow dried hair most days, wears outfits like Carrie Bradshaw on the school run and has perfectly manicured nails when ordering my cappuccino but I a not.  I am a mother of three young children, who lives in a nice area with a nice husband and nice life.  On paper my life does look very nice, but scratch beneath the surface and I would best describe myself as a crazy desperate housewife who has developed OCD when unloading the dishwasher, gets cranky when the Ironing starts piling up and just about copes with daily life (in a world where I pass and mingle with ladies who have perfectly blow dried hair and wear heels for lunch and have wonderful nails – oh and wear lycra sporting outfits and actually look cool in them)!!!!

I am a desperate Essex housewife ready to unleash my troubles, feelings and daily life on this blog!!!